Sundays 4.29.2007 Douchebag is..

Big Oil
Big Oil 1: "Alright summmer vacation is coming, the driving season is upon us...oil is not high enough....what do we do?
Big Oil 2: "Could we jack prices and say a refinery was down?"....nah people are sick of that one.
Big Oil 2: How about..."we have to shut down the pipeline cause of a leak"---shoot we used that one last year.
Big Oil 1: "Alright....Geopolitical terrorism it is!"
Big Oil 2: "How long do you reckon we can string along the general public on that one?"
Big Oil 1: "Till actual scarcity catches up with prices?" "Hopefully"
---my idea of how a meeting of big oil goes down.

Thursday 4.26.2007 Douchebag is..

Katie Couric
I have nothing against Katie as a female prime time news anchor, heck i even like what her and the producers are trying to accomplish with their new format of nightly news. Its just really Katie Couric that I don't like...she gives me a holier than though kind of vibe. I hated her on the Today show and I think that she has not warmed up any. I wonder how low her T.V. Q is? Katie reminds me of that girl in your class that always had all the answers and wasn't afraid to let everyone know. Katie we know you know...now can you warm it up a bit and not try so damn hard...you look like a "stepford wife".

Fridays 4.13.2007 Douchebag is..

Advertising Sales Reps
First order of business...I was not born yesterday. I have a pretty good idea of how your ad is performing for me...I probably don't need you to regurgitate facts for me. Secondly, I am in Marketing...please keep your doublespeak to a minimum. Telling me that: "you want to get together to discuss how your ad is performing for us"-- I know that means you want to discuss/negotiate a new contract. Why waste my time, just come right out and say it. Chances are I'm perfectly fine with the status quo otherwise you would have heard from me already; so if you don't have a rate increase just bottom line me. If you want a rate increase, the same goes, bring me hardline quantitative stats and get them to me ahead of time. Otherwise I am going to send you off with out a decision and hope you just forget about our little meeting. There was that so hard?

Thursdays 4.12.2007 Douchebag is..

Mypsace and Fox Interactive
Yesterday Myspace started blocking photobucket embedded videos. Some say that it's due to photobucket blatantly violating their terms of use, others think it's to remind photobucket who's the boss. I don't really care either way...what makes Myspace my blatant douchebag of the day is the fact that they fail to recognize that this hurts their user base more than anything. If i have a slow connection...in the time it would take me to edit and upload one 3 minute video I could have created three new profiles at any number of other social networks. Combine that with the fact that most users utilize a third party template on their layout(ie they already don't like the default myspace layout) and you can see that myspace is playing with fire. Myspace believes that their user base are mindless drones who will stay with the property regardless of what changes they make....and that makes Fox Interactive and Myspace my douchebag of the day.

Thursdays 4.04.2007 Douchebag is..

Cadillac and Buick Salespeople
Thanks for selling gigantic death missiles to the old and senile. Hey buddy can you even see straight...great lets put you in this 4 ton piece of hurtling death metal. "I'll make sure we get that truecoat put on for you sir." Do us all a favor and kindly direct them over to the spacious an economically lightweight... Yaris. The amount of carnage that can be inflicted with a Yaris is much more manageable for todays senior citizen.

Thursdays 3.29.2007 Douchebag is..

Viacom
What it wasn't good enough with your music industry destroying MTV...replete with its gigantor celebutard building papparazzi machine, and Comedy Centrals unleashing Larry the Cable guy upon the world...you weren't done. You had to set your eyes on the intynet...and Goo-tube, nice job Summner you have unleashed your dogs upon one of the last bastions of creativity. I do understand that copyrights are copyrights but promotion is promotion. Heres the deal Viacom...youtube is the 800 gorilla....when you yank your clips...its a net negative for you.

Sundays 3.25.2007 Douchebag is..

Alberto Gonzales-
Honestly, how is he not gone yet. "I had no discussions....about that issue"....umm except that one meeting that we scheduled to discuss that matter...seems like Gonzo may not be the best lawyer. You would think he would have the good sense to look through outlook sent messages before he issues a contradictory statement like that one. I think the whole problem really stems from his lack of mustachioed prowess. It's like Mellencamp without the "cougar"; Gonzo without the mustache is powerless.

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