Fridays 4.13.2007 Douchebag is..

Advertising Sales Reps
First order of business...I was not born yesterday. I have a pretty good idea of how your ad is performing for me...I probably don't need you to regurgitate facts for me. Secondly, I am in Marketing...please keep your doublespeak to a minimum. Telling me that: "you want to get together to discuss how your ad is performing for us"-- I know that means you want to discuss/negotiate a new contract. Why waste my time, just come right out and say it. Chances are I'm perfectly fine with the status quo otherwise you would have heard from me already; so if you don't have a rate increase just bottom line me. If you want a rate increase, the same goes, bring me hardline quantitative stats and get them to me ahead of time. Otherwise I am going to send you off with out a decision and hope you just forget about our little meeting. There was that so hard?

Thursdays 4.12.2007 Douchebag is..

Mypsace and Fox Interactive
Yesterday Myspace started blocking photobucket embedded videos. Some say that it's due to photobucket blatantly violating their terms of use, others think it's to remind photobucket who's the boss. I don't really care either way...what makes Myspace my blatant douchebag of the day is the fact that they fail to recognize that this hurts their user base more than anything. If i have a slow connection...in the time it would take me to edit and upload one 3 minute video I could have created three new profiles at any number of other social networks. Combine that with the fact that most users utilize a third party template on their layout(ie they already don't like the default myspace layout) and you can see that myspace is playing with fire. Myspace believes that their user base are mindless drones who will stay with the property regardless of what changes they make....and that makes Fox Interactive and Myspace my douchebag of the day.

Thursdays 4.04.2007 Douchebag is..

Cadillac and Buick Salespeople
Thanks for selling gigantic death missiles to the old and senile. Hey buddy can you even see straight...great lets put you in this 4 ton piece of hurtling death metal. "I'll make sure we get that truecoat put on for you sir." Do us all a favor and kindly direct them over to the spacious an economically lightweight... Yaris. The amount of carnage that can be inflicted with a Yaris is much more manageable for todays senior citizen.

Thursdays 3.29.2007 Douchebag is..

Viacom
What it wasn't good enough with your music industry destroying MTV...replete with its gigantor celebutard building papparazzi machine, and Comedy Centrals unleashing Larry the Cable guy upon the world...you weren't done. You had to set your eyes on the intynet...and Goo-tube, nice job Summner you have unleashed your dogs upon one of the last bastions of creativity. I do understand that copyrights are copyrights but promotion is promotion. Heres the deal Viacom...youtube is the 800 gorilla....when you yank your clips...its a net negative for you.

Sundays 3.25.2007 Douchebag is..

Alberto Gonzales-
Honestly, how is he not gone yet. "I had no discussions....about that issue"....umm except that one meeting that we scheduled to discuss that matter...seems like Gonzo may not be the best lawyer. You would think he would have the good sense to look through outlook sent messages before he issues a contradictory statement like that one. I think the whole problem really stems from his lack of mustachioed prowess. It's like Mellencamp without the "cougar"; Gonzo without the mustache is powerless.

Saturdays 3.24.2007 Douchebag is..

Uptown Spring Traffic-
Here in Minneapolis, you may or may not have heard but winter can be a little harsh. So when spring finally has sprung all us pasty scandinavians come out of hibernation in droves. Unfortunately I choose to make my abode in the heart of the pilgrimage. Every spring people for no reason whatsoever decide...hey I should go to uptown...that would be fun. So they come in spades, one after the other to my neck of the woods. Now the problem is that there really is no good way to get these folks in our out, not to mention parking is near nill. So they end parking in front of my apartment I have to walk nearly a block to get to my car. Now I am lazy and this pisses me off. I reckon it will wear off...like fat people at a gym on the first of January...it always does; but I still have to put up with it for one or two nice weekends and that makes me angry.

Tuesdays 3.20.2007 Douchebag is..

lazy advertising writers- We are getting less and less quality commercials these days. Sure kids are cute, and I'm sure when your little shit mispronounces something at home it's really fucking cute. But when you film it to hock juice or anti-bacterialsoap or paper towels, it's just effen lazy writing. And holy sheet, what is with that Glade candle add? Do you really think we buy into that BS? Noeffenbody tries to pass off a store bought candle as something special. It's a F**king candle!

Now this past Super Bowl we had the Super Bowl of all f*cking lazy advertising maneuvers. "Hey, I got an idea, let's let our consumer base write, produce and film our ad for us, and we'll just pick out the one that sucks the least". There you go. That's a beautiful idea. You don't have to think at all. You can just put all the submissions into a big bowl and pick out the one you will eventually air. Nice guys, way to justify that madison avenue office you work out of.

And my biggest gripe of all is with all the great rock and roll tunes that are being bastardized by Madison Avenue. I'm going to be honest, Dicky Betts is a man's man, the kind of guy that will piss whiskey and put out cigs on his tattoos. Whoever decided to take his song "Blue Sky" and use it to hock Menopause medication needs to get Dicky's steel-toed, cowboy boot drilled straight up their ass!

--- Todays douchebag rant brought to you by none other than famed lyricist Rod Stacke of Green on Thursday fame

Mondays 3.20.2007 Douchebag is..

Internet Explorer- IE's lack luster support for web standards and Cascading Style Sheets are disappointing. This is the reason that this website may look like it was written by an angry toddler. While my sense of humor can be a bit childish...I do not usually write in gigantic letters with big bold crayons. Do yourself a favor and download Firefox I promise you'll be happy...its safer, supports standards, and apart from taking a little while longer to load is a much better browser.

Thursdays 3.15.2007 Douchebag is..

24 Hour News Anchors- Although some may fault the American public for feasting on the carcass that is "news", these so called "anchors" reiterate the same story for days and still get it wrong. They're like weather people with more credibility and way more ego. If for some reason there isn't any celebrity smut, or political blunders that day they might pull the old elevated terror alert gig just so they don't lose you during the sleep aid commercials. Seems like on the slow news days its always set on HIGH. The only glimour of positivity that can be drawn by this decrepid arena of human affairs is that effin Geraldo's mustache. Just catching a glimpse gives me 24 hour smile...effin Rivera...God I love that guy.
---CholoVista rides again...Douchbags Beware!

Wednesdays 3.14.2007 Douchebag is..

Retail Snarkies- We've all run into them...you walk into a store and you pick up an item, in the corner of your eye you see one clerk whisper something to the other...laughter ensues. Were they talking about you..the item you picked...it doesn't matter, they are rude regardless. When you work in retail it's your job to be nice to customers...you are not allowed to make fun of them, you are not allowed to crack inside jokes, you are only allowed to make sure that your customers needs are served and they find what they need.

Saturdays 3.10.2007 Douchebag is..

Direct Buy- I wont even get into whether or not the business model is ethical...go here for other opinions on that question. What makes them my D.O.D. is there penchant for purchasing large blocks of local programming and taking away inventory that could be better used by a craptastic local fishing show..or some sort of figure skating lol..

Fridays 3.09.2007 Douchebag is..

Midevil Sluts- Your local renassaince fair is not Hedonism...its not a swingers masquerade...believe it our not there are families that attend these things. Please refrain from dressing up all slutty. Save it for Halloween...and by the way wenches do not equal Klondike Kate.

Tuesdays 3.06.2007 Douchebag is..

Restaurant Ramblers-effen walkins. these people show up at 7:30 on a friday night to a brand new restaurant thats booked solid for months and complain that the wait may be up to 2-3 hours. What the hell...its like going to HnR Block on April 14th and wonderin' what all the hubub is about.
--submitted by ACorrea

Fridays 3.02.2007 Douchebag is..

People who sign contracts without reading them- News flash contracts are everywhere...its important to read them before you sign them. A contract is a legally binding promise...you can't just say...well I didn't know. Your signing indicates that yes you were made aware and yes you did know. Knowledge is power so read the contracts that you sign and quit complaining about feeling powerless.

Tuesday 2.27.2007 Douchebag is..

Real Estate Agents- Well folks its official Real Estate Agents are now my official occupation of douchebaggery. They are actually slimier than used car salesmen. Led by the incomparable David Lereah todays real estate agents are mindless drones that continually drag down the overall perception of marketers. Effen Ay Man! It must be the low barriers to entry that bring so many ass hats into this profession. Good luck with that Condo buddy...good luck!

Monday 2.26.2007 D.O.D is...

Absentee Parents-this is the woman at starbucks that yaps way to loud on her cell phone while her kids sit...unattended eating some sort of cookie or hot chocolate...its painful to watch these kids, they bang their forks on the plate or slam thier cups on the table in a desperate attempt to get their mothers attention. If this was a nature show...these would be the chicks that fall out of the nest...put down the cell phone and pay attention to your kids!

Today's Douchebag---2.23.2007

T.V. Weatherpeople...nobody else gets away with the kind of fearmongering that these folks drum up. Even the slighest hint of a storm and they drum up more rhetoric than the entire Bush administration. Always shoot first and ask questions later...ahhh to be a weather person...what a trip!

I wish this guy was still updating his website Factual Material The writing is a bit subtle but I think that after a little bit of ambling he gets his point across.

Snarfers you know who they are; it might be that a-hole that takes the turn lane on the freeway all the way to the last minute while everyone else is stopped in the other two lanes, it could be the bastard that cuts in front of you at the meat counter at the super market. For some reason this person thinks that there time is worth more than everyone else. This no talent ass clown has no problem putting thier needs ahead of everything, even at the expense of the system...these folks are the very reason for the backup on the freeway. You my friend are my douche bag of the day, may karma take a big dump on you!

In this video I am highlighting some douchebag that is complaining about a complainer....anyone see the irony?